In my day, a plastic scissors and a piece of paper was a month spent off the streets. Sure, it kills me that spoilt little snots have way better toys than I did (the closest I came to a computer before the age of 15 was a plastic cash register that never asked for weird pictures of me), but way really cuts me up is that the internet has made the toys of yore way better.
I had, for example, all the necessary supplies to make all of the super cool crafts below, but I didn't have the imagination or access to those who did. Sure, I'm probably better off for not having had access to grown ups who make kids' treats, but now that I'm an adult, I'm the one who's going to be taking advantage. I made this subject matter way darker than it needed to be. Sorry. Just enjoy these super-wacky-crazy papercraft tutorials and pretend like I'm normal.
Custom made paper people.
This isn't a freebie but for a measly $5 you can have a ready-to-assemble paper-person of yourself. Aaah, Fiverr. You know what this means, right? make paper-persons out of all those people you have arguements in your head with and live out all the awesome comebacks that never were. Or give one as a gift to someone you love. That would be nice too.
Visit the imaginatively named Dani7770's Fiverr gig to get yours for €4.
Paper letter animals.
All those days spent learning the alphabet and never once did I think to make a zebra Z. This changes now. Follow the link for a whole alphabet of letters (including a ninja N that I'm thinking of whipping up). Just print off the templates and get folding.
Visit Digit Prop for this and loads more super cool papercraft tutorials.
DIY Paper Taxidermy
The clever folks over at Paper Wolf have come up with a way to save on animals and postage; self-assembly papercraft animal heads. You buy the pre-cut cardboard pieces and put it together yourself, basking in the glow of your cleverness. There are many other paper beasts on sale...including a unicorn.
Visit Paper Wolfs Shop, paper heads come in at around €42.
Paper Skull with articulated jaw.
Paper skull....With. Articulated. Jaw...Need I say more?
Get the free tutorial at Skull A Day.
I possibly did make paper pinwheels but I never made pretty displays out of them like this. My dream is to have a wall of Shady and the Lamp's Tweed Pinwheels, until then I might just think about considering maybe making these. Maybe.
Get the tutorial for paper pinwheels from Petit PouLou
Paper geoball bowls
If I had bowls like this all over the apartment, it would be pristine. Basically, it's these little bowls' fault that I can never find my keys.
Get your life together with the (Finnish) tutorial from Tuulahdus
Paper craft alphabet wall art
Another example of how terribly unstylish my alphabet-learning days were. If only my stupid teachers had Pinterest.
Get the tutorial for the awesomest alphabet from Weekday Carnival
Working paper camera
Okay, so you need a few other components, but this is a functioning film camera made from paper. Practical? No. But such a cool idea for weddings.
Get the tutorial for the paper camera from Wonder How To's inspiring Paper Craft section.
Who needs s man who brings fresh flowers every Saturday morning with the papers and a croissant when you can make your...paper flowers? These are all kinds of gorgeous though and when Spring hits and the Winter blues lift, spending an hour making flowers for yourself will feel like a much more positive endeavour.
Get the tutorial from 100 Layer Cake.
Political paper pigs.
These aren't just cute little paper pigs. No, no, that would be childish. These are political paper pigs. You can dowload the template for free but the politico who created these is hoping for a donation to his cause. I didn't really pick up on what the cause is, I was too busy looking at the cutesy-wootsy piggies.
Get the tutorial from Toxic Paper Factory.
I once painted my rented living room apartment's walls red. People I know still shiftily comment on it. When you enter a room made for relaxation you don't want to see red walls, just like when you go into someone's bathroom you don't want to see brown walls. I have found myself living in Amsterdam lately in an apartment of white walls. It's better than red. And it means I don't have to actually paint (yet).
I've been in the apartment coming up on three months now and I have learned two things about white walls. 1. they make all my stuff look nice; 2. the temptation to paint them is almost unbearable at times. I'm not going to scratch that itch and to steel my pre-Lentent resolve here is some white-wall-porn* to enjoy together. Ahhhh....
*My apologies to those of you who found this page searching for "white wall porn". Perverts.
A Francis Bacon painting sold recently for €50-million. It was not, despite the rumours, one of my latest acquisitions. While art prints are something I'm reasonably willing to splurge on, I've moved apartments recently and my bare walls are not nearly as whingey as my bare bank account. As soon as my cash-flow problems are rectified, I'll find whoever bought that Francis Bacon and outbid the shit out of them. Until then, I'm going to have to do it my bloody self.
Ranging from mind-blowingly easy to very mildly taxing, here's my pick of some none-too-spendy wall art tutorials even a lazy, lazy blogger like I might manage.
1. Cut out lyric art.
If you've got a sharp knife, a piece of paper and waaaaaay more patience than I, this DIY couldn't be easier. The only real task is figuring what lyrics to use. Personally, I'd go for Three 6 Mafia's Ass and Titties because it's my boyfriend and my song. For a less romantic option, anything from Rammstein. Get the tutorial from How About Orange.
2. Nerdy postcard wall art.
Why read books when you can hang them on the wall? Wait, that's not right. Why hang books when you can read them on your wall. Nope. Whatever, don't nail things you might need to your wall. Though Penguin books are truly delicious to look at, they are also pretty damn tasty to read, so make like this clever blogger and use postcards mounted on varying sizes of foam to create this lovely wall art. Get the tutorial from How About Orange.
3. Typography art with Hubble imagery.
As Shakespeare once said, "Space, the final frontier". If you're too pecious to get your hands dirty and want to force your computer to make your art, then this could be the one for you. Using images from taken by NASA's Hubble Telescope (oh, the joyous nerdiness) and some Photoshoppery, you can create a pretty awesome piece of art. Get the tutorial from My Cakies.
4. DIY sketched photo wall art.
This is not a Photoshopped photo of a cranky baby, it's a drawing. By breaking down the drawing steps to tiny degrees, the poster is drawn by hand. Now, I'm not saying this is an easy one but if you're baby can give bitch face at such a young age, it deserves it's own hand-drawn portrait. That's just good parenting. Get the surprisingly do-able tutorial from Poppy Talk.
5. Typography art with Bob Ross imagery.
Okay, so this isn't a real Bob Ross cruelly defaced by hipster bloggers. No one is that hip. But if you possess one of those slightly cheesy, slightly wonderful landscape drawings and don't have the heart to dump it, why not upgrade it? A little patience with the sharp knife (ugh, again!) and some diligent placement and you've got this rad typography art print. Mine's going to say something like, "A happy little cloud". Because Bob Ross is a goddam legend.