I’m not going to get into how I found this out, but Amazon sells sex furniture. Not Amazon.co.uk mind, they’re a member of the Royal British Stereotype Preservation Society, but the American store. Of course, there’s no Irish Amazon so we can’t find out what they’d deem suitable for my compatriot consumers, but I suspect it would probably link to two single beds in a darkened room.
Anyway, the point here is sex furniture (or fornicature, to give it its correct name that I didn’t just make up) is a thing now. What do you think; modern romance at its best or an awkward situation when you have guests over just waiting to happen?
P.S. Because all you dirtbirds love this post so much, I’ve updated it for 2016.
You know you want free colouring in pages. So hip, so arty, so damn procrastinnovative (a word I just innovented). Trendy as hell right now, grown-up colouring books are everyone’s new favourite way of not freaking the shit out. According to The New York Times, Buzzfeed and the like, a good hard doodle is the only way to dodge-anxiety for fall 2015. I can attest. My sister bought me a mindfulness colouring book for my birthday (it rocks) which I keep next to my computer; the monitor hasn’t been smacked since.
So, yeah. I made you some. Using Unsplash’s awesome archive of free pics, Snorpey’s image Triangulator and a reserve of Photoshop patience I didn’t know I contained, I created these low-poly pages for your printing and colouring pleasure. Here are the three originals, from the mighty Unsplash;
Plants. Glorious, clutter-hiding, soul soothing/crushing plants. My track record of plant-care verges on the genocidal, but I’m slowly learning how not to kill so many. Or, at least, how to kill them very, very slowly.
Though notoriously shitty conversationalists, I love surrounding myself with houseplants, squeezing them into every nook and cranny of my apartment and office desk. Yeah, they’re good for the air and the heart and such. But I’m a misogynist when it comes to indoor horticulture; I value them almost entirely for their looks. I’ll share some pics of my own plants soon, once I teach them how to shut their whiny mouths and look pretty for the cameras. Until then, allow me to share with your some plants that’ve got it going on the looks department. Run, run I tell you, to the nearest plant shop. Cos they’re not going to kill themselves.
Be still my beaten, battered and bloodied credit card. Society 6, purveyors of the hottest prints on the interweb (and regular frequenters of my bank statements) have only gone and created a whole new genre of things; floor posters. Except they’re not calling them that, they’re just calling them “rugs”. Which is more descriptive I suppose.
I’ve never been a big fan of rugs, because they’re usually expensive and pretty crap, even when Ikea are misting their buy-everything-serum all over me. But suddenly I’m looking around at my stupid floors thinking how lacklustre they are without witty sayings or thought provoking cartoons. Damn I love Society 6.
And, inkeeping with Society 6‘s usual shenanigans, every artist who sells through the store can offer their fans the option to buy their art as a (machine washable) woven polyester rug. Prices start at around €20 for a 2’ by 3’version. Which I can totally squeeze on to the creddie.
Click for direct links; Skull Bubblegum rug, Floral, Couple, Sharkasm, Cat, Palm Trees, Ice cream,