Graffiti has been elevated to new levels of hipness lately thanks to trailblazers like Jonah "*picture of a dick*-tation" Takalua and the opening credits of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (I'm all about current references). If you happened to grow out of writing your name on other people's stuff when you turned 10, worry not, there is a way to get in on the action. Moss graffiti gives your inner vandal a chance to stick it to the man, except prettily, legally and without being in the least bit subversive. So really, we're just sticking it to the wall. And that's good enough for me, I don't want to be sent to live with my wealthy uncle in Bel Air. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Here's what you need to know.
IT IS EASY TO MAKE
Really, really easy. The gist of it is; mix clumps of moss with buttermilk, live yoghurt or beer, blend with some water and paint directly onto the wall. Wirral Wildlife have created this handy graphic (below, click to expand) that covers it nicely, however they do use the term "moss milkshake", officially my least favourite flavour.
IT'S BETTER THAN SPRAY PAINT GRAFFITI
Not just better looking, better for the environment. Apparently spray paint isn't that common a substance in nature. Moss, however, is.
Image via Yatzer.
IT CAN HELP YOU PRETEND THAT YOU'RE DEEP
Wondering how to let everyone know you've read Kurt Vonnegut or listen to The Smiths? So many quotes you need to share, so little wall/tattoo space left? Moss graffiti is your man. A giant stencil would definitely come in handy, as would someone else willing to do it for you. I'm getting "Literature should not disappear up it's own asshole" mossed onto my outhouse.
Image via Hayli Alyce
YOU CAN START SLOWLY
An entire quote may seem a little excessive so how about a single word? Certainly the execution will be easier, but good luck picking out just one word. I'd go for "harrumph" because that's the best one. Damn, "grow" is waaay better isn't it?
Image via Anna Garforth.
YOU CAN MAKE PRETTY SHAPES
Not so good with words and such? Skip the calligraphy and moss up some shapes instead. Maintenance-wise you'll probably be doing yourself a favour.
Image via Tumblr.
OR IMPOSSIBLY ORNATE DESIGNS
Because your moss milkshake deserves nothing less then precise, intricate and impeccably executed graffiti.
Image via Regina Urban Ecology.
IT WILL MAKE YOUR LIVING ROOM MORE LIVING-Y
Forget your grass walls, moss graffiti is so much more stylish, striking and, em, spongy. This one was designed by Anna Garforth for the Russian Club in England and represents Mother Earth. Mine is going to represent a square and a horse because they're the only two things I can draw.
Image via Inhabitat.
AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS, YOU CAN MAKE MOSS GARLANDS
Maybe you're landlord doesn't want you decorating the walls with living organisms or you just can't get the bloody stuff to stick. Forgetaboutit, just whip up some of these DIY moss garlands and hang them with pride. A more moderate amount of pride than if you'd managed any of the above, but pride none the less.