Sofa King Cool; 10 Aggressive Cushions For Your Couch
We’re often told that punching pillows is a great way of releasing pent up rage, but it would be nice if it was a slightly fairer fight. Worry not, I’ve tracked down 10 offensive throw cushions that could probably hold their own were you to dole out a savage beat down. What? I was just plumping them. Plumping them to hell.
1. Merde cushion (€77, Alexandra Ferguson). You may think that this is the only word you’d need to know to confidently explore France, but actually it’s not. As soon as the waiters realize that you know it, they’ll just call you something else.
2. Anger Cushion (€16, Society 6). I quite like the idea of having a selection of cushions that express various emotions. I mean, who wants to actually have to say stuff?
3. Cannonball cushion (€50, Utilitarian Franchise). When you absolutely, positively gotta chill with the some images of ancient weaponry.
4.You Suck Heart Cushion (€20, Sweat and Offbeat). Oh I suck? Well you’re my new favourite fart stifler, how do you like that? Goddam soft furnishings giving me abuse.
5. I Hate People Cushion (€55, Zazzle). You hate people, huh? Actually, I think we have a bit common ground here. You’re my new hug pillow, that’s what you are.
6. Pew Pew Cushion (€32, Choice Cuts). I’m more of a martial arts Whaaatchaaaw kind of gal but I’ll Pew Pew back. Yeah, I’ll Pew Pew back like you’ve never been Pew Pewed back before. You bastard.
7.Go To The Gym Cushion (€77, Alexandra Ferguson). Hey, I’m not the one sitting on the bloody couch all day, stuffing my face with Doritos Chilli Heatwaves and shouting at Dr. Phil. Okay I am. Outsmarted by a pillow. Again.
8. Fighting Panda Cushion (€16, Society 6). I know this isn’t the most politically correct view to have, but Pandas deserve a good hard slap. What kind of animals won’t hump? My family cat has been neutered for about a decade and he still tries to perform indecent acts on himself. I bet pandas don’t even fight.
9. Ninja Cushion (€20, Yellow Bug Boutique). Finally, a worthy opponent. Ninja cushion has got the looks, but has he got the guts? I just check and, he does; he comes stuffed with polyester filling. Touché.
10. Fuck U Cushion (€16, Society 6). Now here’s a cushion that’s just plain asking for a bashing.