There's a man in England successfully planting and growing furniture. Really. It might seem like a plot from a Roald Dahl book, but it's actually the result of 20 years work, a lot of pruning, and a Dahlian imagination.
Subscription boxes always seem like such a good idea until you end up with six months of molding coffee/wine/mascara in the back of a cupboard. An art delivery service that rocks up once a month to prettify your walls, now that's more like it. The fact that art isn't a consumable isn't the most common reason for it being bought, but then, art is more often not bought, so it's valid.
You know you want free colouring in pages. So hip, so arty, so damn procrastinnovative (a word I just innovented). Trendy as hell right now, grown-up colouring books are everyone's new favourite way of not freaking the shit out. According to The New York Times, Buzzfeed and the like, a good hard doodle is the only way to dodge-anxiety for fall 2015. I can attest. My sister bought me a mindfulness colouring book for my birthday (it rocks) which I keep next to my computer; the monitor hasn't been smacked since. So, yeah. I made you some. Using Unsplash's awesome archive of free pics, Snorpey's image Triangulator and a reserve of Photoshop patience I didn't know I contained, I created these low-poly pages for your printing and colouring pleasure. Here are the three originals, from the mighty Unsplash;
Be still my beaten, battered and bloodied credit card. Society 6, purveyors of the hottest prints on the interweb (and regular frequenters of my bank statements) have only gone and created a whole new genre of things; floor posters. Except they're not calling them that, they're just calling them "rugs". Which is more descriptive I suppose. I've never been a big fan of rugs, because they're usually expensive and pretty crap, even when Ikea are misting their buy-everything-serum all over me. But suddenly I'm looking around at my stupid floors thinking how lacklustre they are without witty sayings or thought provoking cartoons. Damn I love Society 6. And, inkeeping with Society 6's usual shenanigans, every artist who sells through the store can offer their fans the option to buy their art as a (machine washable) woven polyester rug. Prices start at around €20 for a 2' by 3'version. Which I can totally squeeze on to the creddie.Click for direct links; Skull Bubblegum rug, Floral, Couple, Sharkasm, Cat, Palm Trees, Ice cream,
In my day, a plastic scissors and a piece of paper was a month spent off the streets. Sure, it kills me that spoilt little snots have way better toys than I did (the closest I came to a computer before the age of 15 was a plastic cash register that never asked for weird pictures of me), but way really cuts me up is that the internet has made the toys of yore way better. I had, for example, all the necessary supplies to make all of the super cool crafts below, but I didn't have the imagination or access to those who did. Sure, I'm probably better off for not having had access to grown ups who make kids' treats, but now that I'm an adult, I'm the one who's going to be taking advantage. I made this subject matter way darker than it needed to be. Sorry. Just enjoy these super-wacky-crazy papercraft tutorials and pretend like I'm normal.
Custom made paper people. This isn't a freebie but for a measly $5 you can have a ready-to-assemble paper-person of yourself. Aaah, Fiverr. You know what this means, right? make paper-persons out of all those people you have arguements in your head with and live out all the awesome comebacks that never were. Or give one as a gift to someone you love. That would be nice too. Visit the imaginatively named Dani7770's Fiverr gig to get yours for €4.
Paper letter animals. All those days spent learning the alphabet and never once did I think to make a zebra Z. This changes now. Follow the link for a whole alphabet of letters (including a ninja N that I'm thinking of whipping up). Just print off the templates and get folding. Visit Digit Prop for this and loads more super cool papercraft tutorials.
DIY Paper Taxidermy The clever folks over at Paper Wolf have come up with a way to save on animals and postage; self-assembly papercraft animal heads. You buy the pre-cut cardboard pieces and put it together yourself, basking in the glow of your cleverness. There are many other paper beasts on sale...including a unicorn. Visit Paper Wolfs Shop, paper heads come in at around €42.
Paper Skull with articulated jaw. Paper skull....With. Articulated. Jaw...Need I say more? Get the free tutorial at Skull A Day.
Paper pinwheels. I possibly did make paper pinwheels but I never made pretty displays out of them like this. My dream is to have a wall of Shady and the Lamp's Tweed Pinwheels, until then I might just think about considering maybe making these. Maybe. Get the tutorial for paper pinwheels from Petit PouLou
Paper geoball bowls If I had bowls like this all over the apartment, it would be pristine. Basically, it's these little bowls' fault that I can never find my keys. Get your life together with the (Finnish) tutorial from Tuulahdus
Paper craft alphabet wall art Another example of how terribly unstylish my alphabet-learning days were. If only my stupid teachers had Pinterest. Get the tutorial for the awesomest alphabet from Weekday Carnival
Working paper camera Okay, so you need a few other components, but this is a functioning film camera made from paper. Practical? No. But such a cool idea for weddings. Get the tutorial for the paper camera from Wonder How To's inspiring Paper Craft section.
Papercraft flowers. Who needs s man who brings fresh flowers every Saturday morning with the papers and a croissant when you can make your...paper flowers? These are all kinds of gorgeous though and when Spring hits and the Winter blues lift, spending an hour making flowers for yourself will feel like a much more positive endeavour. Get the tutorial from 100 Layer Cake.
Political paper pigs. These aren't just cute little paper pigs. No, no, that would be childish. These are political paper pigs. You can dowload the template for free but the politico who created these is hoping for a donation to his cause. I didn't really pick up on what the cause is, I was too busy looking at the cutesy-wootsy piggies. Get the tutorial from Toxic Paper Factory.
There's little in the world as wonderful as a compliment. Empty, backhanded or even genuine, they all work for me. Which is why I've bookmarked Emergency Compliment, an ingenious website that spits out some good old fashioned ego-boosting flattery for those moments when everybody sucks. Better yet, you can even buy the one that works for you as an art print. If Google Glasses develop a function that allows me to scroll through compliments from people when I meet them, I'm in. But only then. In the meantime, check out Emergency Compliment's Society6 shop to get your oh-my-I'm-so-flattered on.